Why Men Forget Valentine’s Day — and Why You Should Forgive Us When We Do

By James Bassil

Photo: Robert Delahanty

Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and there’s a good chance your boyfriend or husband will forget it. You’re aware of this possibility; in fact, if he’s forgotten on previous occasions, you may even already be getting aggravated in anticipation of it. Before you focus your rage on him, however, remember that the man who forgets Valentine’s Day is a cliché for a reason: A lot of men forget Valentine’s Day. At AskMen.com, we’ve helped a lot of them survive the aftermath of doing so, and in the process we’ve learned a lot about why they do. Today we impart those lessons to Cosmo readers in the hopes of sparing some of our fellow men some future pain. Here are the three reasons men forget Valentine’s Day.  1. Because our friends forget it too Women talk about Valentine’s Day in the days leading up to it. You’ll discuss your plans with your girlfriends and, if none have been made, you’ll speculate as to what surprises may be in store. Among men, however, we’re lucky if even one of our friends raises the topic — because the rest of us need someone to remind us. Men forget Valentine’s Day for the same reason men fumble many relationship matters: We lack a support network to remind us of its importance. The event simply never comes up in conversation until it is raised by our girlfriends... the day after.  2. Because we’re tired out from the pursuit The pursuit being the pursuit of you. In the early weeks of a relationship, we guys will go all-out planning elaborate dates and romantic surprises. In doing so, we contradict our nature (see reason #3), but competition drives us to persist. We know that there are plenty of other men waiting to swoop in if our courting efforts fail, so we push ourselves into playing the suave Casanovas that we most certainly are not. The pursuit usually proves successful just as exhaustion sets in, and we stop doing all those wonderful things that made you fall for us, leaving you to wonder, “Why doesn’t he ever remember Valentine’s anymore?"  3. Because we’re reactionary with emotions That’s to say, we don’t show emotions until strongly provoked into doing so. Blame this on generations of fathers who told their sons to “man up" until restraint became part of our genetic code — and acknowledge that, most of the time, you like this quality in us. No woman wants a whimpering wet towel of a partner who’s always ready to offer up his feelings, and our awareness of this makes us all the more restrained. So when it comes to Valentine’s, that most sentimental of holidays, we are subject to two opposing forces: genetic instincts that tell us to “man up" and resist participating, and social instincts that tell us to get on the phone and ring in some roses. Neurons begin misfiring, the brain shuts down, and, next thing you know... we’ve forgotten Valentine’s Day.  During the ensuing argument, however, we will show emotion. We’ll plead and tell you how much we love you, and those of us from poor man-stock may even shed some tears. And though you may dismiss the spectacle as being less sincere for having required activation, it’s just the way we men operate. The feelings are there, but they have to be triggered. So once you see them, you can rest assured in the knowledge that we do care about you. We just don’t care about Valentine’s Day. 

From fun quizzes to brilliant gift ideas, visit Cosmo’s Valentine’s Day Blowout

! Psst! Find out what your guy will hopefully get you for Valentine’s Day...

taken fromAskMen.com